I feel like crying...tonight

I've been longing for the time I could go to a place... alone... sitting quietly enjoying beautiful view of my surroundings...without anybody to interrupt or to stare at me with raised eyebrows...

I really want to get away from people i meet daily... really wanna find someone who can 'hear' the unsaid things of mine... who's gonna say "I do understand you"... "I know what you feel"... without having me whining or spilling out my feelings...

I'm tired... of meeting the wrong person at the wrong time...
No cinderella story on my journal entries...
I really wanna shout... "It's ME!!!... I'm hurt!!"

I know that life is a matter of choice.
And this is my choice... and have to bear the consequences...
But please allow me to have a break...
I wanna have MINE....MINE...truly MINE...

Thank God I found this poem in my old organizer. It helps me cry hard...so I feel a bit relieved now...

YOU LEARN
After awhile you learn
The subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn
That love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeat
With your head up, and your eyes open
With the grace of maturity
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of
Falling down in mid-flight

After awhile you learn
That even sunshine burns
If you get too much
So play in your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone
To give you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn
And you learn
And you learn
with every goodbye, you learn

(source unknown)