All by myself

I am experiencing what I had a year ago...what I had 10 years ago. History repeats itself (Harry Potter mode). When I wake up n when I go to bed, I feel weary inside. Only that this time I don't feel like sharing it with anybody... Not one. Though I know I do have friends willing to listen. It's not because I don't trust them. I just don't feel talking.
I do realize that there will be time in life when we have multiple problems. And we just don't have to ask why. They just happen to you that's it. U just cannot (or do not need) to question God for whatever happens to u. My dropping physical state is only one part but it is severe enough to drop my global self worth which in the end affects how I deal with things.
I wish I had.... with me. But dream on... I guess I'm just torturing myself to think that way. All I need to bear in mind that I must be able to face this alone (wasn't I also facing the similar saga alone a year or ten years ago?).
"Life is unfair," some people say. "We don't know the reason why things happen to us until sometime later," other people say. Well... Whatever... They just don't matter to me anymore. Time for quotation is over.
In my prayer at the moment, I ask God to guide me to be able to see His plan. So then I can understand why I have to experience this. And I hope it won't take long time coz it's extremely hard for me now to keep the belief that God knows what we need the most. Coz now I don't have what I think I need the most. And I never get used to this hardship, though I already went through similar ones before...
Oh God... I'm tired to deal with this all by myself.



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