more than words

There will be moments when words are not enough. You want to share with your (best) friends, but you just cannot find the right words to say it. You want to write, but you just don't know what to write. You even do not know what you have to pray for.
That's what happens to me lately.
Don't get me wrong...
I don't regret my decision. I accept what's before me now. I just can't help having this unknown-but-unpleasant feeling.
hormonal....well, that's possible. But, I'm not having my period...nor I'm going to have it days ahead.
woman....melancholic...well, maybe...
I don't even have the interest to go shopping. The thing i often do to escape.
Sometimes i want to just cut it off...but, at times i make effort to maintain the ties. What does actually i want? I am sometimes confused myself...
I was about to pack my stuff yesterday when they said that i don't need to pack yet since nobody's coming to replace me.
They plan an outing in the near future, and still count me in. On the other hand, they seem to prepare a big farewell...twice.
Actually, i may still see everybody...well, at least most of them, in the near future. But still...things are not the same anymore, and i think that's what makes me feel sad.