New Office: cold and quiet

It's been a week since i moved to my new office.  In this institution, getting promoted doesn't always mean getting better facilities... *yaiks.  People say my former office is much more spacious and more comfortable.  Yeah, surely.  They don't even need to say that to make me realize how hard it is to leave my former office.  It's not merely about the physical condition.  It's everything in it, the work, the people the atmosphere...even the restroom...hahahaaaaa.  But life goes on.  I decided to take this assignment.  It's my choice.  I have stopped thinking about who is responsible for dragging me into this new place.  I really don't think it's necessary (anymore).

Since i haven't got my computer yet, i bring my notebook each time i go to office.  I don't really like it actually, due to the ribetness of the transportation (I must change public transportation several times).  But i don't want to end up doing nothing in the office and just having chats with people here and there.

The room is really cold.  Cold enough to make me sick.  I have asked the technician to do something about it.  Until yesterday, no technician came... *sigh.  It seems the only thing that goes fast in this building is gossip.

Today i was supposed to have road show to Bandung with the mommies and BODs.  But yesterday's cold has prevented me from going out of home.  I really wasn't feeling well.

Seems that i don't have good comments for this new office huh?... Well, indeed this is not the place i've been looking forward to.  But i think i have to learn to get myself comfortable with this place.  Coz i don't want to suffer each and every single work day i have there.

At the moment, It's hard not to be bitter, not to have grudges.  But i don't want to spend my work days ahead with bitterness and grudges.  My soul deserves good things, and i believe i am a lot stronger than this uncomfortable situation.  Each day in the new office, my mind is overwhelmed by so many things.  I don't feel like talking to anybody.  I think silence is all i need.  It gives me peace.

Tears

A lot of tears shed for the past year.

Tears of sadness.

Tears of disappointment.

Tears of anger.

Tears of goodbye...

It's all because you put your heart  for what you do... and people working with you.

Life goes on,  no matter what.

And you might shed tears again...

At least it proves that you are alive... truly alive...

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Monday's nightmare...for you this time

The day finally came. It is indeed unavoidable anymore. I myself cannot stand the situation any longer.  The road to get there was quite serpentine until my friend made it straight to the heart of the problem.  It was harsh.  Unfortunately we didn't have any other ways to do that to make them both understand the gravity of the problem.  She asked for a thinking time.  Sure... especially since she looked completely surprised with what we said.  She really didn't anticipate that.  Subtly, I also saw a sense of denial coming from this brilliant person.  She still couldn't get it? after all the blunt statements? quite impossible for a person of her caliber.  The term 'denial' suits better, i guess.  But whatever... Professionally i feel relieved that i have split things out.  Though i regret that it should be done in such blunt statements.  As a woman, i know this must be really huge to be the target of such blunt statements.  But well... the truth indeed hurts, my dear...let alone since you don't have that discourse and strategic competences to understand the situation.  Honestly i fear of losing the three musketeers more than having myself being hated by this smart person (and her friends).

Let tomorrow take care of its own troubles. I'm relieved i did what i had to do today, in that very meeting. 

Two months has passed

Sudah dua bulan lebih aku berkantor di tempat baru. Sebagian besar teman bilang "Aduuuuhh capek dong ya sekarang"
"Berapa jam perjalanan?"
"Expense smakin gede dong ya"
dalam hati, "Ya iyya laaaahhh...masa ya iya dong"
Tapi ada juga yg bilang "Lebih enak ya jam kerjanya sekarang...lebih teratur"
Pikirku, "Yang dulu juga teratur koq...dari siang sampe malem *nyngir*.
Ada juga yang tanya, "Lebih enak mana? yang dulu apa yang sekarang?"
Naaaahhh...kalo menurutku pertanyaan yg rada2 challenging nih ya yang ini. Tapi ngerti gue dong. Gue pasti punya cara buat ngeles....
"Wah, gak bisa dibandingin sih...sebab job desc nya kan beda banget.. bla-bla-bla"
Tapi tunggu dulu, maksd gue baik koq. Gue ga pengen menjadikan salah satunya keliatan lebih favorable atau tidak lebih favorable dari yg lain.
Yang pasti, adaptasi sangat besar...terutama untuk urusan berhubungan dengan pria. Weits! jangan ngeres dulu... sabar.
Maksudku, meskipun beda jumlah rekan kerja pria di tempat yg dulu n di tempat yg skrg cuma beda2 tipis, tapi ternyata atmosphere nya beda banget. Terutama dengan Suhu yang satu itu... hahahaaaaa... Awalnya sumpah, aku kuatir banget bakal sakit hati dengan tipe bliau yg 'terbuka'. Tapi ternyata lama kelamaan aku mulai terbiasa koq. malah kalo gak ada Suhu yg satu itu kadang jadi terasa kurang meriah. Kalo meeting ga ada doi pun jadi kurang gimanaaaaa gitu... *kurang perlawanan...wkwkwk*

Hal lain yg juga perlu adaptasi banget adalah urusan kerjaan... Ealah maaaaakkk...kalo lagi pas banyak order kaya gini nih...sampe mules deh. Gak tau apa karena aku nya yg new kid on the block or emang itu urusan bikin mules :p

Tapi satu hal yg pasti yg dari hari ke hari smakin gue suka... adalah...sesi di Cafe Meong. Nama itu Cafe datang dari temenku yg namanya Pinah. doi blom bikin selametan tuh buat memproklamasikan nama cafe itu. Sesi Cafe Meong biasanya terjadi di jam2 sekitar makan siang. Mulai dari acara ketawa2 ngakak, sampe urusan nangis2 pernah terjadi tuh di sesi cafe meong. Pokoke rame lah.

More or less... aku mencoba menikmati pekerjaan yg sekarang. This is my choice anyway... smoga menjadi keputusan yg gak bakal kusesali...

Ganbatte kudasai!

This is it...

...the branch farewell. They asked me to give speech. This time, i've prepared myself better, so i made sure i wouldn't burst into tears. I said what i wanted and had to say. I almost couldn't handle my emotion when two of them read a poem for me. Fortunately, one of them wasn't good enough in reading poem. Instead of making me crying, he made me laugh with his intonation and wrong chunking... Thanks to you, Kang Kar... :)
Today, i was not as speechless as that day when we had farewell lunch. I got a poem (the one read by two of them) framed with my picture there, a batik pouch, and a pasmina (two things i actually plan to buy in the near future). I also got a jilbab from a friend who usually discusses things with me.
Abang didn't come. Meeting...what else? but, that's fine. He already said what he wanted to say during farewell lunch, i guess. My two female colleagues looked fine... thank God...

Thank you, all...for everything

RESIGNATION

A friend of mine is resigning from our institution.
I got this news from D few days ago.
It shocked me.
no signs...no clues...
no complaints...
Well, i mean...usually you can predict if someone plans to resign from his/her job when he/she sometimes or often complains about his/her job.
I never heard such thing from him...
Well, yes... first, maybe because I am not working in the same department with him. Second, he is indeed quiet...(banyak omong nya cuma di kaset or CD)
I was really surprised...though I could guess the reason why...
Two days ago i happened to have him online. I asked him about the news. He told me where he's going and the reasons.
Honestly...i was really uneasy to get this news. It's not because we're going to lose contact or something. It's about me....
Why am I staying?
Can I do what he is doing now?
Should I ? or shouldn't I?
Can this institution still be the place where I could realize the dreams of my professional life?
or at least accommodate my self-actualization needs?
So many questions in my head...

And at the moment, I know exactly that at least two more friends of mine are considering doing the same thing...
Though i don't know yet their decision...I'm wondering...



P.S.
"wish you success om...
keep in touch!"

How did it go?

What do you mean by 'it'?
Alright, let's talk about it one by one...

number 1
it refers to my presentation
rating= ***** (extremely important)
Thank God...it went well despite my 'sexy voice' because of continuous coughing I had. But yes, it went well. Though, honestly, having 35 minutes to deliver the result of my CAR was, indeed, not enough...heheeeee....
There were three presenters in the room supposing to present, and I was the third. The first two presenters even finished their presentation before reaching 35'...unlikely me ;p
tukang kecap juga ye gueeeee....
however, the facilitator still displayed enthusiastic face till the end o my presentation. I guess, i didn't exceed too much, heheeee...

number 2
it refers to meeting my prof
rating = **** (important)
it was`great :) It's been so many months I haven't seen her. Even though it was only few minutes, I was happy that I could see her again there.

number 3
it refers to the plenary sessions
rating= **** (important)
What do you expect?
It started at two pm. All participants just arrived from Jakarta and had their lunch. It was completely a great great effort to stay awake and listen attentively to presenters delivering theories and practice of conducting action research...GOSH!!!

number 4
it refers to shopping
rating= *** (important lah)
how come? it is just an 'important lah'?
Well, I have been to Jogja, especially malioboro several times, and the last was only few months ago. So, I wasn't too excited about the idea of doing a shopping spree at Malioboro.
It was okay... at least I enjoyed watching my friends enthusiastically buying all the things exist there =)

number 5
it refers to photo sessions
rating = ***** (extremely important)
It was GREAT!!!!...
I wouldn't miss every single moment for this one...heheeeee

All in all...going out of town for vacation and for the sake of job is completely different.
I cannot say that it wasn't fun, but i cannot say that it gave me enlightenment either...
However, at least I had a good time there with friends =)

I took that challenge

Kemarin gue memutuskan untuk mengambil tantangan itu...
gara-gara si Je...(loh???)
sumpah...gue masih takut...
tapi gue rasa gue harus melakukannya saat ini. Tepatnya membutuhkan itu...

sigh....

Help me God