... And vampires won't like me

For the past two and a half months i've been changing my eatling habit.  I didn't use to have breakfast early in the morning before.  It was really hard for me to eat at 6, even at 7... let alone earlier than that.  I could only bear a cup of coffee to 'wake me up'.  I could bear brunch but not breakfast.  Consequently, i usually had late lunch since i was still full at noon.  Apparently,  that kind of eating habit worsened my blood status.  I was identified of having severe anemia with severe low ferritin.  My hb was 6.3 only, while normal woman should have at least 11.7.  A friend said, "Vampires would not like to haunt you,  then... someone with little and thin blood liquid".  Heheee...
My ferritin was lower than 2 when normal people should have 15-150.  Ferritin is protein/enzyme containing iron stored in human bones.   It functions mainly to catalyze food supply to blood in order for us to get energy.  People with low ferritin has high risk of osteoporosis and bones easily cracked.  People like me would easily get fainted and dizzy,  not to mention easily get tired...
Funnily, i never got fainted.  I did get tired after office hours, but i thought it was just normal.  It was just usual tiredness, not fatigue-like.  The doctor said my body already adapted with the condition, and i was likely to lead a happy life,  that was why i appeared fine.  However, i couldn't stay with that kind of health condition coz it would risk my health in the long run, not to mention that i will have to go through surgery in the near future.
So, there goes the change of my eating habit.  Now, i must have breakfast (big one if possible).  And it must include eggs, with the ratio 3:1 for albumin over egg yolk.  I must drink juice, milk with high calcium.  I surely have to eat a lot.  Eat meat a lot (i like this one ).  And wait...that's not enough.  I must be infused with iron liquid oncr every 2-3 weeks. 
And here i am now...chubby...doesn't matter.  My hb is already 10.2, my ferritin is already 20...not bad,  right?  I still need to get the iron transfusion this afternoon.  "One more," said the doctor.  Well, it's been the second time she said 'one more'.

Just now, i had my breakfast... rice with fried tofu and chicken soup, plus two sets of cheese sandwich.  Heheee....

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I am Garfield

... Garfield who never looks forward to Monday.  It's me now.  I wasn't before.

Though i never put any days as special day to look forward to or to avoid, I saw each day as new day that could always bring surprises and laughter.  The guys always had their way to make the day bright.  Especially since we got a new member few months ago.  I felt happier.  Not only because finally i had a female partner but also because we had that chemistry between each other.  And starting the day we rearranged the office layout, I felt it completed all the comfort i had in the office. 

Having a new boss from another dept didn't affect much to the team.  The disappointment didn't crack me.  Maybe because I had experienced worse situation there.  Let alone i started to get busy heading the events as well as doing routine work.  The place has become my home.  Promotion...rotation...they didn't matter to me anymore.  

As i got busy with all the loads and enjoyed the hustle and bustle with the whole gang, I started to think of my personal short-term and long-term goal.  I was confirmed that i would go back to school soon and choose applied linguistics.  Though i knew i would never like language, but being in that department was enough to give me motivation to change direction to linguistics instead of continuing to psychology.  Never came to my mind i would leave the department anytime soon.  I made up my mind, if i chose to stay in this institution then it would be in the department, no place else.  I guess being with them was one of the reasons why i could still put up with the situation.  I felt i was surrounded by brothers and sister.

But life is unpredictable...

And here i am now.  In a new place called office.  Bigger (even much bigger) responsibilities, a superior, subordinate, and no co-worker.  I know i would make an early conclusion if i say this new place would not make me feel comfortable, but honestly that's exactly what i feel now.  And Monday starts to be the day i dislike, coz i HAVE to go to the office.  

Just like tonight.  Thinking about tomorrow just makes me want to have longer weekend.  Exactly like Garfield, isn't it?

New Office: cold and quiet

It's been a week since i moved to my new office.  In this institution, getting promoted doesn't always mean getting better facilities... *yaiks.  People say my former office is much more spacious and more comfortable.  Yeah, surely.  They don't even need to say that to make me realize how hard it is to leave my former office.  It's not merely about the physical condition.  It's everything in it, the work, the people the atmosphere...even the restroom...hahahaaaaa.  But life goes on.  I decided to take this assignment.  It's my choice.  I have stopped thinking about who is responsible for dragging me into this new place.  I really don't think it's necessary (anymore).

Since i haven't got my computer yet, i bring my notebook each time i go to office.  I don't really like it actually, due to the ribetness of the transportation (I must change public transportation several times).  But i don't want to end up doing nothing in the office and just having chats with people here and there.

The room is really cold.  Cold enough to make me sick.  I have asked the technician to do something about it.  Until yesterday, no technician came... *sigh.  It seems the only thing that goes fast in this building is gossip.

Today i was supposed to have road show to Bandung with the mommies and BODs.  But yesterday's cold has prevented me from going out of home.  I really wasn't feeling well.

Seems that i don't have good comments for this new office huh?... Well, indeed this is not the place i've been looking forward to.  But i think i have to learn to get myself comfortable with this place.  Coz i don't want to suffer each and every single work day i have there.

At the moment, It's hard not to be bitter, not to have grudges.  But i don't want to spend my work days ahead with bitterness and grudges.  My soul deserves good things, and i believe i am a lot stronger than this uncomfortable situation.  Each day in the new office, my mind is overwhelmed by so many things.  I don't feel like talking to anybody.  I think silence is all i need.  It gives me peace.

The dream...will it come true?

A long time ago during my staying in Bogor, my friends and i sometimes shared our dreams about our future life or career.  I dreamed that one day i would want to have my own small school with the design of my choice,  with the color of mt taste,  with my K-primary school students coming and greeting me everyday. 
What a dream... hahaaaa... I said it anyway.  And my friends at that time said... "We pray for you." Even one of them,  who was my junior,  said "Take me with you,  ya mbak "
Time went by.  Sometimes i remember it,  but life is a reality.  Even too real that i sometimes feel afraid of keeping the dream alive.  
I almost forgot it.  Really.
Until recently.  I saw the plan before me.  "It's like the one in my mind,  you know, " that's what i said. 
You must've thought i was joking.  Though later you knew i wasn't. 
I didn't think before you would finally say it. 
Honestly,  i am tempted.  And i guess you know i am. We know exactly that we might court catastrophe if we do... And i'm not sure if i should risk it now.
But i am still tempted... i still am... 

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RISK IT

RISK IT

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing,
has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow.
But they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.

Risk must be taken because
the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
Only a person who risks is free.


*Coincidentally, i found this poem today while i was rearranging my office room.  I dedicate this poem to abang who just filed his letter of resignation last week.  Good luck :')