My three strongest intelligences

While searching for reference for my training, I found this link on multiple intelligences.  I did the assessment and here's my three strongest intelligences:
1. Self (intrapersonal) = 4.43 (the highest is 5.0)

You have a very good sense of self. You like to spend time by yourself and think things over. You will often take in information from another person, mull it over by yourself, and come back to that person later to discuss it. You like working on projects on your own. You often prefer to learn by trial and error. Effective techniques to enhance your learning include keeping a journal and giving yourself time to reflect on new ideas and information. More ideas:

• Go on "guided imagery" tours.
  
  
• Set aside time to reflect on new ideas and information.
  
  
• Encourage journal writing.
  
  
• Work on the computer.
  
  
• Practice breathing for relaxation.
  
  
• Use brainstorming methods before reading.
  
  
• Listen to and read "how to" tapes and books.
  
  
• Read cookbooks. 

2. Language (verbal-linguistic) = 3.71

You enjoy enjoy saying, hearing, and seeing words. You like telling stories. You are motivated by books, records, dramas, opportunities for writing. Effective techniques of enhancing your learning using your language intelligence include reading aloud, especially plays and poetry. Another idea is to write down reflections on what you've read. You may also enjoy exploring and developing your love of words, i.e., meanings of words, origin of words and idioms, names. Use different kinds of dictionaries. Other ideas:

• Keep a journal
  
  
• Use a tape recorder to tape stories and write them down
  
  
• Read together, i.e., choral reading
  
  
• Read a section, then explain what you've read
  
  
• Read a piece with different emotional tones or viewpoints — one angry, one happy, etc.
  
  
• Trade tall tales, attend story-telling events and workshops
  
  
• Research your name

3. Social (interpersonal) = 3.0
You like to develop ideas and learn from other people. You like to talk. You have good social skills. Effective techniques of enhancing your learning using your social intelligence include taking part in group discussions or discussing a topic one-to-one with another person. Find ways to build reading and writing exercises into your group activities, such as:

• Reading a dialogue or a play with other people
  
  
• Doing team learning/investigating projects
  
  
• Setting up interview questions and interviewing your family, and writing down the interview
  
  
• Writing notes to another instead of talking.

I think this assessment is a comprehensive one.  The description is also close, not only general one.

On Trusting

To trust is hard, but not to trust is even worse. Life seems so dry when you cannot trust. The dryness will eat your soul until you are a living dead.
I once preferred not to trust when disappointment seemed unbearable. But if u only knew how bad it was like when i lost the willingness to trust. I even lost myself. I didn't even know who I was.
I eventually realized. To trust is not what you choose. It's what you need. And you cannot live in complete when you lack one of your needs.
I want to trust, though disappointments may lie ahead. I have two reasons for this.
First, i want to live to the fullest.
Second, coz i wanna be trusted as well.
I believe that human interactions are reciprocal. You just cannot expect people to trust you, unless you trust them. Negative thoughts are contagious, as well as positive thoughts.

What it takes to be a thinker

Kadang-kadang capek jadi pemikir (baca: thinker), apa-apa dipikirin. Mulai dari hal penting sampe kadang yang gak penting ikut dipikirin. Mulai dari masalah serius sampe masalah sepele dibahas (sama otak maksudnya). Padahal gue dah membatasi diri untuk gak tau-menau masalah orang (yang notabene ga ada sangkut-pautnya sama gue maksudnya). Jadi secara logika mestinya hidup gue ringan dong....bukan?
Tapi kayanya begitulah resiko jadi pemikir. Otak ini rasanya muter terus gak berhenti memproses smua apa yg diliat, didengar, dirasa, (so far yg dicium blom gue pikirin). Bahkan saat tidur pun kayanya ga bisa gue jadikan pelarian untuk lepas dari mikirin banyak hal. Gak banyak2 amat sih, tapi cukup banyak lah untuk volume otak orang segede gue (idiiiihhhh maen fisik loooo....).
Beberapa minggu belakangan ini, rasanya kecepatan perputaran otak gue makin meningkat. Muteeeeerrrr terus. Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir (tuh kan mikir), beban kerjaan di kantor yg baru ini gak yang segitunya. Tapi kayanya koq ini otak ya kerasa capek. Ditambah blom lama ini ada kejadian gak penting yg melibatkan gue. Beneran gak penting. Yang kalo mo dibahas juga rasanya....gimana ya...duh, gak berkelas banget deh. Hare gene yg harusnya level pembicaraan dah tentang apaaaa gitu yg agak2 sophisticated. Tapi herannya gue tetep kepikiran juga...ngeselin ga sih?
Rasanya ada yang gak beres nih. Kayanya ni otak dah mulai rada-rada kurang waras. Sekarang nih, kadang-kadang ada rasa pengen namparin orang-orang tertentu. Tapi yaaaa tentu aja secara superego gue gak mungkin melakukannya.
Tapi satu hal gue tau. Gue harus mendapatkan jalan keluar dari kemumetan ini. Berpikir boleh, tapi kudu yang positip. Itu pilihan. Tidak bergaul dan berteman dengan orang-orang yang akan membuat gue berpikir negatip. Itu harus.
Rasanya ide bagus kalo ada pelampiasan secara fisik juga. Inget dong tadi, gue kadang-kadang tiba-tiba sekonyong-konyong justru pengen namparin orang-orang tertentu. Jadi sebelum bener-bener kejadian gue nampar orang, sebaiknya gue segera mendapatkan penyaluran fisik itu. Blom lama ini gue nyempetin untuk berenang lagi...sendiri. Ritual berabad-abad lalu yg dah lama gue tinggalkan. Lumayan membantu. The problem is.... waktunya ituuuuu. Tempat yg convenient banget buat gue renang sendiri dengan swimwear yg gue banget (tak perlu gue elaborasikan disini) itu adanya cuma hari-hari tertentu dengan jam-jam tertentu yg gak mungkin banget buat gue. Gimana dong?
Trus lagi... gue juga merasa perlu penyegaran pikiran dan hati...siraman rohani bahasa agamanya deh. The thing is... itu pengajian diadain di waktu yang gue juga ga bisa ikutan...*sigh*
Tuh...bertambah lagi yang gue pikirin kan?

my eyes, my reflection...?

Yesterday i took this quiz on facebook:

Wind took the What do Your Eyes Say About You? quiz and the result is Boldness.

When people look into your eyes, they can see that you're an energetic, happy, and cheerful person. You're outgoing and fun, and love to make new friends. You're not afraid to speak your mind, and you never stop laughing! People realize that you're a bouncy, loud person, that can sometimes be abnoxious, just by looking into your eyes. They can see that you're a unique, stylish, and one-of-a-kind individual. You're independent, and you don't let anybody get in your way.


I do not really believe in online quizzes. I take 'em for fun. But this quiz result is superficially accurate in telling about me through my eyes. These are exactly what people usually say about me.
I like it...heheeeee

it's uncommon...yes, so what?

what's so wrong about talking with dolls? if it's considered not common or even weird for a person at my age...so what? Aren't we all, human beings, sometimes doing uncommon or weird things. Anyway, whether something is considered common or not common, weird or not weird, it's just a matter of social convention, habit, culture, human perspective, people's opinion, whatsoever... Should we always follow mainstream?
When it comes to mainstream or uncommon thing, talking with dolls is only one example...for sure. And when it comes to me...I feel like I'm prone to uncommon situations with uncommon perspective of mine, uncommon habits...uncommon choices, uncommon decisions...and so on.
I feel like everything (or maybe many things, if everything seems exaggerating) about me is not common. And I feel like showing to people that I don't care about what they would think about me...I don't care...I just don't care...
If you tell me that this may be a defense mechanism...
again... I do not care...

unsaid, understood

Some things are better left unsaid, they are just to be understood. And what would you do if you don't feel like saying anything but need to understand things?
For me, one of the ways is to go someplace and be off all online messengers, so I don't need to have a two-way communication with anybody for the time being and let me be with myself.
However, I won't leave them undone...

crossover

I really don't like when people take me for granted. At the moment, I feel that I have been taken for granted by someone. And it is not the first time...it's the second time. I wonder if this is about me or about her, so she can easily crossover me. I start to question myself if there is something in me that makes people easily take me for granted or it is, indeed, her personality.
Well, you can say that i am exaggerating, whatsoever, but that is exactly how i feel now.
The worst is, I don't know whether it is my weakness or there is something in her that makes me so...until now I cannot express it to her that I don't like her treating me that way.

Last night, a friend of mine told me that I have been playing angelic so many times to some people, that's why they then have the idea that whatever they do to me I will feel alright. She told me that once in a while I need to just express it openly if I don't feel okay about the way they treat me.
Well, I'm not trying to defend myself, but actually I already have done what she suggested. Though I admit that mostly I express my objection jokingly or implicitly. My friend said that it was not enough, coz reality speaks that these people (in this case is her) just do not get it. They didn't think that I actually really meant it. She said that I need to state it clearly in such a way so that they understand that I AM serious.
Another possibility, she said, these people indeed get what I mean but they just know exactly that I'm not going to let things go wrong as long as I have the capability to secure things. They know it and that's why even though they feel my objection they still think that in the end I will be okay.

Maybe what my friend said is right. I guess this is one of my weaknesses. That's why lately I've been thinking of having a new work environment...thinking that maybe things will go much lighter in a new environment with people other than the ones I meet daily now...
I don't know...

bitter week

This week has been one of the hardest weeks for me
first, some of my colleagues were absent for the reason of domestic problems. Work load has never gone lighter each day. I wonder whether I am prone to job assignment and responsibilities. I have a magnet inside me that makes those assignments and responsibilities keep coming to me instead of to my colleagues. I wonder if I set too high standard so that i get irritated when people around me working casually.

second, my most reliable partner is assigned out of town this week. Actually, this is not the first time that i have to work without her, but i don't know why it feels harder this time. I think despite of all the differences between me and her in handling work, she is the one i can rely on most compare to the others. Her absence makes situation harder for me.

third, I was irritated by an act of selfishness by someone at the office. I felt like slapping someone's face that day. It really drained the emotional bank account in me.

fourth, it turned out that letting go grudge and feeling of offense I have been having lately is completely a hard thing to do. Maybe it won't be that hard if i don't have to see her everyday. I don't remember the last time I feel like saying 'I wish you disappeared' to a person. It did occur two days ago.

fifth, the plan to have another fun friday with my old buddies was canceled since one of them was sick. I miss them a lot.

Today (and for tomorrow) I really wish for a peaceful weekend. I hope I can just delete all bitterness, disappoinments, and anger I had during last weekdays by enjoying myself and believing that i do have a full control of my life, personally and professionally.

that email

Few days ago, I got an email from a colleague. It was an article (or a story?) of finding mate. There was a single woman praying to God for a husband. She told God what kind of husband she would like to have. Her prayer was to no avail, and so on… and so on….

For short, at the end of the article, there were a few sentences considered to be the wisdom of the story. The advice more or less was like this:

Instead of being busy praying for a ‘perfect’ mate, we should just be busy making ourselves perfect. If we do so, then eventually we would find that perfect mate. And it’s not having the ‘perfect mate’ which is the issue of finding mate, but how we make ourselves and our mate perfect.

Maybe I was (am) too sensitive or what. Honestly, I felt offended.

FYI, that email was sent only for me, not for multiple recipients..

“for wind” … that was the message (the article was an attachment).

I felt like shouting at her and spilling things out:

“What do you know about living single at my age? Why don’t you just mind your own damn business…”

But of course I didn’t do it. I just read and deleted the article right after that.

Right after reading that article, I was kind of trying to tell myself that she didn’t mean to offend me at all. Maybe she got that article from someone or found it somewhere and that article reminded her of me since I was the only one who is still single at the moment.

It just so happened that she then forwarded that article without thinking too much on what I would feel if I read that kind of article.

FYI, I never told her a thing about my private life, past or present. She didn’t even know me during the time I was experiencing the hardest time in my life. I have never asked for her opinion about my private matters. And the most important thing, I never ever mind her private matters as well… and now?

Well, maybe along my interaction with her I really looked like an easy going person. And this makes her feel comfortable enough to tell me anything she likes.

I don’t deal with other people’s private lives unless they tell me or ask for my opinion. Not because I don’t care. It’s more that I don’t want to trespass the line…

For me, everybody needs respect. And respecting other people’s private matters is something crucial.

Well, maybe she doesn’t know that.. or maybe she just doesn’t value that the way I do.

Now, I’m trying to just let go this feeling of offense each time I meet her.

Keep telling myself that she never meant to offend me with that article…

(sigh)

Letting flow

I let things flow
I keep them only for myself
and
I'm doing fine

time will tell
and I'll find the answer

at the moment
just feel the morning breeze
at sunflower hill
smile while you can
cry if you need to
life goes on

I don't want to go home

Now I know why I didn’t want to go home. It was not because the place or the people there. It was about me. Being away from home, office, and my routine life alone has just given me insights on what I need and want. Whether I can pursue it, fulfill it, ignore it, but of course… not regret it.

Here, I have been so engrossed with all the routines, assignments, responsibilities, social norms… and all those superego around me.

There, aside from the demanding training materials, I felt so peaceful inside. Being away from all the hustle and bustle here is, I think, exactly what I need.

I was so focused on myself that I could listen to my mind telling me what I need to do and my heart saying what I want.

I am aware of all decisions I have made. And I guess I’m experiencing the bitter part of one of my decisions. Maybe I trusted my intuition too much that I felt I didn’t want to come back, though it doesn’t mean I wanted to stay there. There was just nothing special that made me want to stay there regardless the happy training. But I was just so reluctant to come back….honestly.

It didn’t take me much time to find out why. Now I know…I do know.

I guess I cannot complain coz actually I know exactly that sooner or later I’m going to pay for what I have decided.

However, there’s something I’m still not sure about.

It is how deep the effect will hit me.

One idea has been hanging in my head for quite some time…..

Something must change. And I am the one who is responsible to make that change happen.

Can emotional change be enough to mend broken pieces? Sure, it depends. Depends on how much damage it will cause.

Should physical change be done?

Then it means physically I have to move to some place where I won’t find any single thing to remind me of those pieces.

I’m feeling it now.

Honestly it hit me hard enough. Though I admit that now I am much more skillful to handle this.

I just hope that I can stay sane, so I won’t appear ridiculous in front of the superego.

Well…why do I have to care so much on superego?

No… I don’t care.

It's just that this time I really can't share this to anybody I used to share with.

I just have to keep it for myself. That’s all.

And that's for the best.